Visible Black Hole Birth from Earth… Predicts Future
My brother, Jsizz, brought this to my attention over a fat bowl last night: apparently, six months ago, there was a black hole birth with a gamma blast that was VISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE FROM EARTH FOR AT LEAST 40 SECONDS. Of course, no one saw it. It was picked up by some random satellite that we have orbiting earth, watching a large patch of nothing. If they want to do that, they should just point these satellites at my soul. Anyway, this explosion took 7.4 billion years to reach our planet… ridiculous. The following conversation occured:
Emsizz: So this gamma burst came from a black hole forming?Jsizz: Yes.Emsizz: This is a warning… it’s the cosmos’ way of telling us not to turn on the LHC!Jsizz: Shut the fuck up… the LHC isn’t going to destroy the earth. DO YOU KNOW HOW SMALL THE BLACK HOLE THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE IS?Emsizz: It doesn’t matter… we have no idea WHAT the fuck is gonna happen. It’s something we’ve never done before.Jsizz: You are completely stoned. That thing is going to make black holes smaller than a quark, if it makes them at all.Emsizz: Well, when we saw that gamma burst six months ago, A BLACK HOLE WAS FORMING. And we are trying to do that NOW. How do we know the formation of a microscopic black hole won’t release that kind of energy?Jsizz: So what you’re saying is, 7.4 billion years ago, some retards were doing the same exact thing we are trying to do right now with the LHC?Emsizz: Maybe. Who knows. Eh… it doesn’t matter anyway. Everyone’s gonna die one way or another, and it would be awesome to go in a black hole. You know what the best part about that scenario is?Jsizz: What?Emsizz: No one would be around to bitch about it.Jsizz: True.Emsizz: What is the LHC supposed to do again?Jsizz: It’s trying to find the Higgs boson, which is a particle that supposedly gives things its mass.Emsizz: That doesn’t seem like a good idea.Jsizz: No it doesn’t. We don’t know what we’re fucking with.
Jsizz also seems to think that, because the LHC began construction over five years ago, that the technology is outdated already. He says it’s akin to his computer- old, slow, and in need of an upgrade. In fact, he’s positive that his computer could isolate the ion before the LHC does. At least his computer has a quad core processor.