Posts from — September 2008

(NEGATIVE 500G)

Apparently, NBC has provided CBR with six new clips from its upcoming 2-hour long series premier of Heroes season 3.  For those of you who want to watch them, it’s probably old news- the whole first hour of it was premiered at SD Comic Con, and a rundown of that episode appeared on blogs everywhere, so you probably know all about it.  Still, it’s hot to watch some of these scenes (link here)- especially the ones with badass Claire.  She is so ridiculously hot.  I would pay a year’s salary just to watch her have sex with her uncle.  When is THAT sex tape going to leak to the interwebs!?!?!?!?!?!?

My brother, Jsizz, brought this to my attention over a fat bowl last night: apparently, six months ago, there was a black hole birth with a gamma blast that was VISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE FROM EARTH FOR AT LEAST 40 SECONDS.  Of course, no one saw it.  It was picked up by some random satellite that we have orbiting earth, watching a large patch of nothing.  If they want to do that, they should just point these satellites at my soul.  Anyway, this explosion took 7.4 billion years to reach our planet… ridiculous.  The following conversation occured:

Emsizz: So this gamma burst came from a black hole forming?

Jsizz: Yes.

Emsizz: This is a warning… it’s the cosmos’ way of telling us not to turn on the LHC!

Jsizz: Shut the fuck up… the LHC isn’t going to destroy the earth.  DO YOU KNOW HOW SMALL THE BLACK HOLE THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE IS?

Emsizz: It doesn’t matter… we have no idea WHAT the fuck is gonna happen.  It’s something we’ve never done before.

Jsizz: You are completely stoned.  That thing is going to make black holes smaller than a quark, if it makes them at all.

Emsizz: Well, when we saw that gamma burst six months ago, A BLACK HOLE WAS FORMING.  And we are trying to do that NOW.  How do we know the formation of a microscopic black hole won’t release that kind of energy?

Jsizz: So what you’re saying is, 7.4 billion years ago, some retards were doing the same exact thing we are trying to do right now with the LHC?

Emsizz: Maybe.  Who knows.  Eh… it doesn’t matter anyway.  Everyone’s gonna die one way or another, and it would be awesome to go in a black hole.  You know what the best part about that scenario is?

Jsizz: What?

Emsizz: No one would be around to bitch about it.

Jsizz: True.

Emsizz: What is the LHC supposed to do again?

Jsizz: It’s trying to find the Higgs boson, which is a particle that supposedly gives things its mass.

Emsizz: That doesn’t seem like a good idea.

Jsizz: No it doesn’t.  We don’t know what we’re fucking with.

Apparently, in the Astrophysical Journal last week, scientists discovered in the middle of nowhere in space… SOMETHING… and they have no idea what the hell it is.  ”We suggest the transient may be one of a new class,” is what the paper said, which means they really don’t have a clue what the fuck they are looking at.  The weird thing is, after watching this object for 100 days, the object disappeared.  It wasn’t a planet, sun, supernova, or Death Star.  This grand, floating whatever is between 130 light years and 11 billion light years away.  Maybe it’ll come swallow our galaxy before Google and Apple form together to become Skynet.  We can only hope…

The greatest thing to happen to the internet, New Jersey, G4TV, and nerds everywhere, Alison Haislip, appeared on The Game Show on thestream.tv tonight.  Not only is this awesome because Alison is my soul mate (funny, because I have no soul), but it was Nikole’s 21st birthday and the WHOLE GANG did a power hour LIVE.  They also talk about/show The Force Unleashed and discuss Star Wars games of the past.  Oh, and one more thing- they name drop ScrunchyMcFarts like, four times.  You can catch the shitfaced goodness archived here.

This is a new recurring segment called “COD4 Q&A with ScrunchyMcFarts”.  ScrunchyMcFarts is his XBox Live gamertag.  On to the questions!

Possibly the greatest invention ever created- a USB hard drive/bottle opener combo.  The drive is usable on Windows 2000, XP, Vista, Mac OS X, and Linux from Kernel 2.6.x, and is available in 1, 2, 4, 8, or 16 GB. Nice. Now I can impress all my drunken friends with my vast collection of kiddie porn and beastiality videos!